Just got back from Ashleys about an hour ago. I've been spending my time filling out a damn surevey thingy.. haha yeah it's sad.

Well.. I'm feeling a bit better than I did before. While I was at Ashleys, she has a webcam so I talked to BJ and we got to do a webcam-to-webcam convo. It was hella tight. He's such a cuttie too. Haha, he flexed for us numerous times.. it was quite erotic. I think that was what made me feel a lot better, and also when he said that he had a good time at the lake.. even though I repeatedly told him I was sorry for it being so boring. He's a sweet guy. He's gonna make some girl really happy [along with Brittany] I'm glad that he's such a cool guy. :)

I just found out a bit earlier that tomorrow might be the day that we're completely moved into the new house.. it's crazy isn't it? Well, tomorrow I'm probably going to be spending the night at Trevors house.. so I might not update tomorrow.. since we'll probably end up packing up the computer -- taking it over there and then I'll probably be dropped off at Trevors house.. and then I'll update on Sunday.. which I'll be doing something with Roxy too. I hope that we get everything moved up there tomorrow so we dont have to make anymore trips back and forth.. but this is so sad.. This is probably the last night here.. I've spent .. 5 years I believe in this house and in this area.. ::sigh:: I'm going to miss it like nothing before.

But I'm going to miss seeing everyone even more. What I'm going to do is buy a webacm as SOON as I can and hook it up and use it over at the new house.. there-fore I can talk to people and we can be face to face (per se) and talk and stuff.. kinda chill on the computer.. but once school starts.. people forget about old friends unless they have constant contact with them.. and sooner or later.. I'm going to be the friend thats so far away that no one remembers them.. I wanna see Angela so bad.

I don't want to quit being friends with everyone.. and the only way that I can keep in touch is through email.. or letters. Since calling is long distance.. ugh my rents are bitches.

I think I'm gonna try to write everyone, wouldn't that be cool? I think I'll start doing that once I get their addresses and stuff. I'll ask them next time they're online.

I wish I wasn't feeling so alone right now. I have no control over anything going on.. It really sucks too. I'm going to miss everyone so much. ..sigh.. I've definetly gotta get that webcam to talk to people.. that includes BJ .. [heheheee ;)]

"Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel?
Oh, I want you to know.. but then again I don't..
It's so complicated.."

--"Complicated" _ Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Ashleys parents offered for me to live with them on the weekends at their new house once they move themselves.. They're gonna have a guest house [an actual guest house!!] and her mom was like, "Yeah! On the weekends you gotta park your ass in the guest home and stay with us! Serious!" So that makes me feel really good.. I think I might just take them up on that offer sometime soon. Probably once school starts or somethin..

I think I have a problem with letting go of things.. I can't let go of friendships.. I never really will either.. Even if all my friends block me and ignore me.. I'll always conisder them a friend.. I'm just that kind of a person.. I don't like being alone .. I don't think anyone really would, but I hope that everyone doesn't forget about me..

And I definetly gotta go to one of BJ's football games with Brittany before school starts too! I also have to go to 6 Flags with Jeff Q and Angela when she gets back!! So I should be savin' up for that.. and for that webcam!! Then I can talk to everyone though the webcam! .. I guess things aren't that bad.. I just make them out to bad .. I exaggerate .. ::sigh::

"I've loved enough to know,
A heartache when I see one coming.
Been down this road before,
I've loved enough to know."

--"Loved Enough To Know" _ Deana Carter

Well.. I think I'm going to go to bed right now. It's 11:38PM and I gotta wake up at 7:00 tomorrow.. I hate moving so much. Sleeping is my only real escape from my mental anguish.. my mind throws all these questions at me.. and I don't have the answers.. and it just frustrates me and then I get upset with myself.. It's a vicious cycle.

I hope I die in my sleep tonight.

=->