Okay, I got about half an our in this computer lab until schools out and another day of finals is over. Good thing that tomorrows the last day and these are all half days.

I read my best friends diary (Angela) and she said something about her feelings for me, and doubts about mine.. something like that. I'm still confused as to what she was trying to say but I think I know what she's talking about..

Lately I've been missing my friends in Granite Bay. And the one subject that always seems to pop into my mind is "Do they still care?" .. I would like to think that they do (especially my friend Angela) but I can't be sure since I haven't recieved one letter from her yet (but I know she's trying to get something big together before she sends something, so I understand) and I've been meaning to write her a letter of my own with some "goodies" (the Riddlin Kids CD cover and a Damien Rice ad I found) but I just haven't gotten to it.

It seems that I'm getting caught up with my friends here instead of the ones I [hope to] always have back in Granite Bay, and maybe that's how it's supposed to be.(?)

Oh whoa, I just re-read what I last typed and I understand what Angela might have been talking about.

"I feel so alone. It's just that longing for the perfect partner in life. And turns out the 2 guys I feel most for live hundreds of miles away. Tired of feeling this way."

I'm just kinda going through [yet another] weird stage in my life. Classes aren't doing too well (I think I'm going ot be getting 2 D's) but I know I'm doing better than others. So I don't really have space to complain. I'm not an over achiever but I would love to get straight A's just to prove to my family, teachers and myself that I can have potential -- that I'm not just "another brick in the wall."

Still got about 25 minutes of school before class is over and I can go home..

Most people can't wait to go home -- but I honestly don't enjoy being home. There's always nothing to do. The only thing I do is watch TV or listen to music. I've been attempting to write poetry again but it's SO HARD. I think I get caught up in trying to make it perfect rather than getting my feelings across. Plus my hand starts cramping and I can't stand that.

But I'm currently in a band now. It's a "grunge" themed band (Influences: Nirvana, The Cure, AFI, Portishead and et cetera) and I've been taking attempts in leaning notes on the bass and structures (whatever..) but I'm not doing so well. My dad did have a talk with me yesterday (while convieniently (spelling?) ruining my enjoyment of listening to "Mezzaine" by Massive Attack) in the car that if I plan to take being in a band seriously -- I need to learn the proper notes and stuff. I can't retype exactly what he said but it really got to me.

My passion is entirely into Trip-Hop, Electronica and Trance but I've come to realize that those types of music do not and probably will not appeal to teenagers. My dad said that the music I listen to/prefure to listen to is dark/moody/mature and not the kind of music that "teenagers want to get funky with" ... Yeah, my dad's still lost in the 70's. But I completely understood him (for once). Teenagers are so caught up in their "angst" and "hate" that they just want to fuck off. I can relate (I still listen to Korn, OTEP and Marilyn Manson) but they don't want to take the time to realize how deep and emotional (and the meaning) depth behind such bands as Mandalay. Mandalay is not the kind of band you would go to a club and dance your fucking ass off to. It's more of the kind you would lie in bed, or on a porch and think about the past.. the future.. mistakes.. possibilities.. love.. and hurt. It's about invoking EMOTION. Not the kind of stuff teenagers want to relate to cause they find it "gay."

Whew, I kinda went off on that subject didn't I?

On the subject of "gay" stuff -- lately I've noticed just how much people say "oh, that's so gay" and it just pisses me off sometimes. Everything and everyone are so stereotypical. I just want to get away from everyone. It's all bullshit.

But I think I'm gonna go. Don't know when I'll update next, hopefully next week during lunch or something. Sorry for not updating that much.. I'll get my computer back when my grades go up and I'll be back to updating a lot.. and my site is falling to shit.. *rolls eyes* Well, talk with ya'll later.

xxxx