for a week now i havne't been online. i'm on restriction due to a D in math. but i get it back during the weekend. and for this week.. it's caused me to realize a few things. for one, i read a whole book in one day (a new record for myself). the book was amazing, "Boy Meets Boy" by David Levithan. i couldn't stop reading it. and now i must buy it.

besides that .. i've been able to think, i guess. i miss so many things. the way people used to act. and now everyones so different (not saying i haven't myself). and i'm talking about months & years, not days. i miss that feeling i would get talking with certain people. finding new information can be good or bad, but it sure can change the thought process of one.
i wore a rubber band, so if i thought of you during the day, i could snap my wrist and forget about you .. for only seconds, but at least then i didn't hurt.
and its always been hard to read certain people. i dont like just asking. its never that simple. there's always exceptions, and i'm one of them. the side you could live without.
i could sleep better if i never knew you.
and maybe, i just want to feel some gravity. sometimes.. i just want you to tell me how you feel. but i know what i'd get in responce wouldn't be what i want it to be.
i feel so small talking to you.
i try to understand everyone. i try to sympathize .. and neutralize .. and stabalize, but its tougher when what's real isn't taken into play.
you were never for me.
xxxx