a years worth of damage can really alter a lot of oppurtunities. this year has caused to me to make decisions and created actions i (on one hand) wish i never did but (on the other hand) am glad i did. its from the deepest pits of our lows where we truly discover parts of ourself hidden. its from these deteriorating standards where we begin to rebuild - recreate - relive and remember what we did wrong so this time around things go better. to discover the perfect year of no regrets would be not human. we are capable of wishes and reliable to keep them but its up to ourselves to accomplish and discover our highs, lows and comfort.

"don't be a stepping stone.
let it all out - deliever it.
here's my weep, i'm digging too deep,
i do believe in lies, i have everything to hide.
i'm young, i'm old, i do what i'm told.
cut open - unfold, but there's nothing inside."

this year i want to live more of my life. take more chances.

get heard.
get silenced.
get ignored.
get remembered.
get discovered.
get overlooked.
get hit.
get hit on.
get hurt.
get ready.
get easy.
get forgotten.
get killed.
get born.

shed blood. heal bones. fade bruises.
shed tears. laugh longer. breathe less.
shed layers. love harder. love less.
shed memories. stop lying. pretend more.
i want to see cheap.
i want to go deeper.
i want to see forever.
i want to cry and die and feel like exploding all at once.

"but in the corner of my mind
an angel saying, 'don't waste your love,
you love too much.'"

sometimes i want to suffer the worst possible pain just so i can believe i've been there. to hang. to shoot. to drown. to suffocate. but there is so much love in here.

feeling like myself never felt so fake.

"i'm restless and mad and anchiently sad,
if someone wants to kill me,
go ahead but make it fast."

xxxx