late at night, i brush my teeth repeatedly. i strike bone and wait till my gums bleed. i smile through brush strokes - chemicals mixing within blood - a stainless foam of pink.

i grab razors and shave (no substitute). i strike hard enough till skin starts peeling off me like an orange. layers sheeting themselves against another. i smile and see through to my molars. there is no skin holding in the smile of a circle, more like daggers.

i clip my nails till they're down to the wax. there are no pink scissors but pink exposed flesh. all new. all wasting grip. (reality refocused).

i clense myself for you.
rub soap into my pours.
lying still on the porcelain floor.
thinking of yesterday (remembering tomorrow).
i dress myself in cotton wool.
pretending these fingetips are yours.
(i rest easy at night knowing you never knew me)
but your pain thickens my blood.
i shut my eyes (still can't sleep).
call me tomorrow and let me know i've made a mistake.

xxxx