|i need a bit of light here.|
|March 01, 2018 //_ 11:34 AM|
it's funny how one choice can lead into another and you find yourself in a new mood.. a new thought.
i had previously come here to attempt an update but once i'd get a couple sentences typed out.. i'd just delete it. 'how trite..' 'too metaphorical..' 'not interesting..' i kept reasoning with my own self deletion.
so i decided to utilize the 'users online right now' feature (which i do from time to time and am so often let down) to get some inspiration and came across a profile who is private but from their buddy list, i found a profile that really intrigued me. not even knowing a THING about this person, i found a connection. i read a couple entries, found some very similar writing styles (like how i used to update waaaay back in the day) and it gave me hope. and inspiration.
i didn't even know that's what i was looking for.. but it was. and now here i am. so thank you mystery guy.
i'm listening to two songs on repeat at the moment (to set the most amazing mood):
today's my day off, so i've basically resorted to getting coffee, putting on our new oil diffuser with a couple sprays of RuPauls Glamazon, having the door slightly open on this windy/rainy day and fantasizing about strutting around in a kimono with Spooky our cat prancing alongside me.
i also recently noticed i've been on diaryland since November 2, 2002. that's 16 YEARS. and it never fails that once i attempt to re-read some older entries i immediately abandon the whole thought due to the overwhelming naked-ness and embarrassment that emanates from it. but maybe i should embrace it.. the most detailed entries show a side of me i've since abandoned on here in exchange for metaphors and ominous references. i mean, i know what i'm referencing but to the reader or guest, it probably comes off as boring and trite.
so i'm going to give regular updates a chance again. let my freak flag fly high and maybe i'll feel more connected to myself in the process.
starting to just seems so.. scary.