it's weird to me that now-a-days when I have a day off, I'm usually happy with playing music, getting coffee and cleaning my house.. rather than when I lived in Sacramento or Citrus Heights or even Grass Valley that I always had someone to hang out with. I filled every lone moment with someone elses time. and now I fill my time with more inclusive moments.

but I'm not sure if it's cos I want it that way, that it's a sign of 'growing up', or that I just don't have any friends up here in Paradise.

I do miss hanging out. but everyone lives so far away, and the coworker friends I have all live in Chico (which is still too far) .. I feel so unsocial and inactive. creatively stifled.

I miss going out the gay bars with friends and dancing for hours. I miss going to the mall in an attempt to buy sexy clothes but in turn just making fun of people and buying the same crap styles. I miss going to music stores and just browsing. I miss meeting up for lunch beers and turning a mini-visit into a trashed evening. I miss being surrounded by people. I miss driving the back roads just to blast music and have a couple cigs. I miss thinking that we were the realest people we knew, that it was us-vs-them. my friends & I.

don't get me wrong, I love my life at the moment- I just thought it'd be a little more exciting.

these concerts coming up can't come soon enough.

xxx