sigh.. ok this day has turned into a dark glassy globe which just seems to attract everything thats negative.. it just wont stop with the bad news...

i'll start off with my whole day as things happened..

it was about 10:00am.. i woke up and i just felt like i wanted to die.. it seems like i feel like shit waking up every morning and knowing i'll never see the person i like.. its hard to explain if you dont understand..

i got out of bed and walked over to my computer, and turned it on to see that one of my friends was online - so i thought i'd say hi and see whats up. and we talked for a while and she kinda helped me out a bit - we had some fun talking and she mentioned for me to download "cry" by faith hill and "im with you" by avril lavigne.. now knowing me i would've refused but since she requested that i download them.. i decided to do so.. and those specific songs... they just tore me up inside.. "cry" was almost exactly how i felt about this person that i love.. if you read the lyrics you'll understand.. i'll post a verse:

"If I had just one tear running down your cheek

Maybe I could cope maybe I'd get some sleep

If I had just one moment at your expense

Maybe all my misery would be well spent" .. now that just really puts down how i wish they would've known me..

then i listened to "im with you" by avril.. and may i add that now that is my favorite song by avril.. its actually a great song.. it basically talks about how no one is there for her and then the one person who she likes comes and takes her away from it all.. kind of what i wish would happen to me..

after i was done talking to my friend, i called up my other friend and asked if we could do something today.. i was pretty bored and if i had stayed any longer alone i would've broke down and might have even considered suicide.. but luckily i was able to go to her house and i ended up biking over there and me and some other friends went to the mall to just check things out.. and there it was pretty fun.. then when i got back i got scolded my father about how i needed to tell him what i was doing.. i didnt care cause all i was thinking about was the person i love.. heh

then i got online and was talking to a few friends, then all the sudden one of them tells me that the person i like hasn't moved yet, but is moving TOMORROW! so im like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and just when i thought i was begining to cope with their moving, all of it all comes crashing down.. the fact that I could've seen them another time, and the fact that they're still in this area just brings back the pain i had suffered from before thursday.. so now that they're moving tomorrow, i just feel so weak and shattered.. no where to go and no one to talk to.. sigh.. its just so hard.. but i believe that things are meant to happen for a reason.. maybe this was my calling.. maybe i'll see them later on in life.. who knows?

hopefully something good will change in my life..