Ok, I had just fucking typed out everything AGAIN [why the FUCK does this always happen to me?!] and it deleted AGAIN! So.. I'm just going to skim through everything.. without explainations or anything.. cause this is a BITCH right now..

I dropped my bass lessons, I just feel that I can't deal with it right now.. It's more like a chore to practice now and I can't deal with that.. So I called today and cancelled.. But my bass teacher told me that if I ever want to take lessons again, that he'd set thigns up again.. So maybe in the future there will be another time when I will be inspired to pick it up again.. But as of right now.. I don't see that happening.. But I do thank him for teaching me all the things I know now.. He's a great teacher and I wouldn't know half of the shit I know now if it wasn't for him.

When I was younger I dreamed of becoming a singer, sad I know, but I just really wanted to be heard.. Then I realized that my voice sucked and was pretty high-pitched (this was BEFORE my testicles dropped ;D) and it was annoying.. So I decided that I would pick up an instrament and try to make it into a band.. So I picked up the bass and fell in love.. It was mostly cause of the band Korn cause at the time I was heavily into them.. Which I still am but I'm not obsessive like I was before.. Anyways.. I just said what happend with the bass thing.. So moving on..

My hopes for the future is achievement in spirituality, mentality and in any career I choose.. Right now the only things I can really see myself as is a pshyciatrist (cause I'm always there for anyone and I listen alot.. I don't judge until I hear the whole story and I think I'm a really comforting guy to talk to) a coroner, or a fashion designer (but not one of those gay, high-pitched feminem fashion guys.. Just really Bi! Hahaha..) and thats about it. My other hope, which is the biggest of them all, is that I'll find a boyfriend sometime soon. Someone that loves me and is there for me.. I just see all these couples everyday and it really gets me upset to see them together and happy and all the while I'm here wishing that I could find someone that's Bi/Gay... That's why I want to know Jake and Jeff a little bit more so I can get to know them and find out for myself if they're Bi-Curious or something.. Ya never know.. But I just really want someone to be there for me (relationship-wise). So that hope is really out of my reach at this time.. I hope sometime soon I'll find someone.. Maybe it'll be Jake or Jeff.. Who can really say? But things are going good with Jake.. I talk to him everyday now.. Either in my Spanish class or online.. It's all good..

And now the likelyhood of me moving is like 90% unless no one buys this house.. It really sucks, cause there are/were so many things that I wanted to do and see here at GBHS.. I want to see my friends graduate, I want to graduate with them, I want to see Jake and Jeff graduate.. I want to have the next 3 summers filled with memories of my friends and possibly new friends while still living in this house. But if I move, all those things will just be meer moths agains the fire.. They'll be nothing against the flames.. It really sucks.. I want to stay here, but I can't help but feel that my rents are ruining my life.. They'll never really get it..

Love is seemingly against me now - but then again.. what about the shit with Jake? He's talking to me now and is that supposed to be a sign? Maybe it's love way of paying me back for the heart-ache it's made me go through with Jon.. Or maybe it's setting me up again for another ordeal with Jake.. Hopefully something will happen and Jake and I will become better friends, cause It would be cool if I moved and we still kept in touch ya know? Hopefully in the months I have left here something big will happen.. Hopefully something positive will happen.. I'm tired of all this shit hitting the fan and spreading everywhere..

Anyways.. I guess I'll go now.. I'll leave with a quote..

"Love is like a bouquet of roses, beautiful and colorfull as it flourishes in the sunlight, but within those roses are bee's ready to sting and encased around the roses are thorns ready to rip you apart.."

Think wisely before you love... Learn from my mistakes..

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