Such a conflicting day today. Angela is having a few issues but she won't talk to me about them. She told me that she feels that she talks about herself too much. She hardly ever talks about herself though .. and I can tell cause when I start to talk about something she kinda dozes off or is kinda like "..yeah.." She daydreams a lot I guess. But I was trying to get her to talk to me online about it but she told me she doesn't know why she feels down. But then again I would feel down if I no longer liked Jake [I'm using Jake as if it were in my situation] and I was failing two classes and stuff. And you know, I am failing two clases - Math and Spanish. She's failing Math and Health. But she won't like talk to me openly about things. And I want her to know I'm always here.. I can be the person she comes to when she needs to talk to someone. I can be the person she can confide in. I can be the shoulder to cry on. I'm here for Angela [I bet she already knows that] but I mean it. I want her to be open with me and to just talk about what's on her mind - cause I do that too often with my own stuff.

And I've decided to follow along like Angela and quit reading Kami's diary. If all she ever does is get mad cause we keep reading her diary and disagreeing with it then I'll just stop. So I guess she'll no longer have anyone to read it - and I guess that's a good thing right? After all, it's a topic she's complained about in the past. So I guess no one will be reading about Kami much in here [my diary]. And hey, it's just pee-chee with me if she decides to not read my diary - but since I won't be able to see her responce to this I'll just assume that she'll no longer read it. Plus, why would she be reading this if my opinion didn't matter to her? ::rolls eyes::

Well.. This week has been really fun for me but I think that Loretta and Angela are getting bored at lunch cause they're being left out. But I'm trying to tell them that all they have to do is get out there. Be more talkitive. Emily, Kensey, Jake, Brittany and that other girl are really friendly -- cause I mean I just started hanging out with them on Monday -- just like Angela and Loretta and I've become friends with Kensey, Brittany and that other girl already. In just two days [if you don't count today]!! But it's not my fault that they're being left out - cause it's all in how you react to certain situations.. If you shy off then you'll get what you're acting like you want - to be left alone. But if you're outgoing and is willing to put yourself outside of your comfort zone and just talk to people -- no matter what they'll think of you -- then you'll undoubtedly make new friends, like I did with Kensey, Brittany and that other girl.. Gesh, I need to learn the 'other girls' name.. I talked to her today too after lunch on the way to Spanish too - She had Math and I walked with her over there and we talked about teachers and stuff. Everyone in that group is awesome and I'm just loving every minute that I have to socialize with them. I've become better adapted to hanging out with people now and I feel as if Jake knows me a lot more even though we haven't really "talked" [per-say] during lunch. BUT he did say a few things to me and he DID make eye contact with me while talking to Kensey and Hor Hay.. [For all of you who don't know - Hor Hay is my backpacks name..] Yes.. It's true.. Hor Hay and Kensey have been going out since they first layed eyes on each other.. Yesterday. It was truely love at first site. And as I must report -- Hor Hay did call Kensey last night and they had phone sex.. but may I add that Hor Hay was in the bed with ME!! ME DAMN IT!! Haha.. Okay I guess that wasn't really funny but hey - you had to be there to see it.

Oh, yeah.. ahahha.. We were talking about how Jakes backpack was a selfish whore and how it was trying to hit on Hor Hay.. Jake was all like "Oh, hit me harder ::started hitting his backpack:: oh yes!! Yes!! YES!!" Then he took his backpack and was rubbing it against Hor Hay.. My backpack!! Hahahaha.. Poor Hor Hay.. Being abused by fellow orgy members.. ;( hahaha.

So yeah, as you can see, things are going really great with Jake, Brittany, Emily, Kensey and that other girl.. Damn I need to ask her name.. but yeah. But I feel bad about everything cause Loretta and Angela are there but they don't do anything.. I try to incorperate them but they just shy away. I would like them to either be there and try to make an effort to make friends or just not be there at all cause I don't want them to think I'm forcing them to be there.. It's completely up to them if they want to stay or if they don't. I would love to have them there but if they don't feel comfortable with them then I want them to know that it's okay with me that they leave.. But I probably won't leave with them cause I mean.. I've spent how much time with Angela and Loretta all together.. and now how much time have I spent with everyone else? So they should either make the effort or just leave - cause I don't want them to get upset with me. And I hope they understand where I'm coming from too.. [now refuring to you, the in-direct reader] If you had the chance to spend lunch talking and looking at a person you liked, what would you do? Just walk away and not think anything of it or make the effort to hang out with them? Well, it just so happens that I have that oppurtunity now and I want to try to spend as much time with Jake as I can before I move.. It's freaking me out now cause there's only ONE month left of school.. And that really REALLY freaks me out. That means that summer will come.. I might have to move.. And while that happens it brings up the questions: What will happen to my friends? What will happen if I move? What will happen to Jake? What will happen with my classes? What will happen if I don't move?? .. Just so many questions and I won't know the answers to any of them until summer comes.. but I don't want it to! I'm also a bit scared cause yeah, if I do end up staying here for another year or something - what will happen next year with Jake? Will I still talk to him? Will I have a class with him? Will we do anything during the summer? Does he even want to do anything with me during the summer? I just don't know.. I don't want our friendship to go down the drain.. So.. One of these days I'm gonna ask him that very question -- Do you consider me a friend? And from there I'll ask him if we would keep in touch over the summer and next year and stuff.. And oh my god if we do move.. I'm gonna be so upset.. Not only will I loose him but I'll loose all my other friends from which I've gained this whole year.. And I love everyone at my school.. Except for a few groups of people who I just hate.. don't like.. or just don't know.. So yeah.. It'd be like the title of my entree.. "Junk Of The Hearts" cause I'd get the consequences of loving my friends too much and falling too deep in love with Jake.. .. I'm just not going to think about this topic anymore before I become too emotional to handle.

I don't know what to type anymore.. But I do know that I'm really fulfilled with life right now.. But it sucks cause I have no one to share it with at the moment.. Angela is having some problems so I'm going to try and help her feel better.. I can't stand to see her down anymore.. And Loretta.. I don't know about her. Things have just kinda changed from the first time we met. Cause when we first met we were really tight. We would like call each other every night and talk about stuff.. I remember we spent like 2 or 3 hours talking on the phone one night before I had to get off cause my rents were gonna come home soon and that the phone was dying. But from there things between us have just kidna drifted .. but not to the point where we're not friends. We still talk and we're still really good friends. But we haven't done much with each other lately so there really isn't any substance holding us together except for the idealistic rubber band made of obligations that we've put on around each other. But she's still a friend and I love her. And I also love Angela too -- but I probably love Angela more at the moment. Like I said, she's like the sister I never wanted.. hahaha Just Kidding!! Haha.. I'm not that mean.. But She's like the sister I've always wanted. She's so cool.. I can't describe her but yeah.. I love her.

Well.. I gotta go in a few but I must say that I'm begining to like two girls at our school now. Kensey [the friend of Emilys.. I'm gonna ask Emily if she has a boyfriend sometime soon] and I like Kelsy [the girl in my Spanish class.. I was gonna have Angela try and talk to her but I don't think that will happen] So who knows? I mean.. I love Jake.. If I could wish for anything I'd go for him.. but we all know that in today's society I just can't do that.. It's really difficult. So I'm going to try and go for what I can get [not saying that I could even REMOTELY get Kensey or Kelsy.. Cause they're a lot better than me in many ways] So I guess we'll see what happens with me being single in the future.. Hopefully.

So I guess I'm gonna go now.. Simpsons are on and I'm gonna watch that then come back and print out my Spanish project [yes.. I finally finished it!! Wooho!] and then type up my News Article. I really need to study for Math too.. I failed the Quiz we took yesterday.. Ugh I'm just so fucking pissed off at myself.. I was totally feeling like that was a B grade Quiz too.. Fucking hell.. But yeah - I can't do anything about it. But I think I'm gonna stay after school on friday and get some help on it. So, I have a C- in Health; F in Math; A in Guitar; and an F in Spanish.. Isn't that just fucking pee-chee?

We'll.. I'll leave you with PART of a song. Cause long songs tend to make people not read it all.. cause I mean, even when I read over my entree I skip the song.. O_o.. haha so yeah, enjoy the rest of your day..

I know I have.

"Dear, I fear wer're facing a problem

You love me no longer, I know

And maybe there is nothing

That I can do to make you do

Mama tells me I shouldn't bother

That I ought to stick to another man

A man that surely deserves me

But I think you do!

Love me love me

Say that you love me

Fool me fool me

Go on and fool me

Love me love me

Pretend that you love me

Leave me leave me

Just say that you need me

Love me love me

Say that you love me

Leave me leave me

Just say that you need me

I can't care 'bout anything but you...

Lately I have desperately pondered,

Spent my nights awake and I wonder

What I could do have done in another way

To make you stay

Reason will not lead to solution

I will end up lost in confusion

I don't care if you really care

As long as you don't go."

--"Lovefool" _ The Cardigans

..Okay so I'm a fillthee liar and posted the whole song.. I still hope you read it.. Or better yet - download it. It's a great song by The Cardigans.. Kinda fits my situation with Jake.. Whoa.. Jake just signed online as I just typed in "Kinda fits my--" .. Strange.. Well anyways.. I think I'll just go watch the Simpsons and come back later. ::copies what he said before the song:: So enjoy the rest of your day. I know I did. ;D