This �Info-Intro� was typed out on 7.10.03
[ Wow, okay I am so incredibly sorry that I wasn�t able to update in here for such a LONG ass time. How long has it been? Like more than a week.. but see when I made that last entree I didn�t know that it would be my last while having the internet hooked up. After an hour of that entree was made � my stepmother forced me to pack up the computer shit and put it in a box. And in about 2 days after that we were completely moved out of that house and up here (where I�m currently at) in the rented out house. Now you would think that I would�ve updated once I got here.. but guess what? I found out that we weren�t going to have the Internet hooked up until the 9th of July. So I have been driving myself CRAZY for this day to come.. So now you know why there has been such a lack of updating. I apologize sincerely about that, I would never abandon this diary if I had the chance. Never. But � to keep myself from going crazy � I did find a way to manage my sanity by writing in this notebook of mine that I�ve had. So I have typed in that notebook since June 30th and I will be updating this diary chronologically with the entree�s that I have written. In-fact, with every new entree that I�m going to be typing, I�ll keep this as the little �info-intro� so just in case you start reading this at a different entr�e, you can go back to the entree titled: Welcome To The New South // Monday 6.30.03 and then read on from there so you wont be confused or anything. Once I have every entree typed out that I have written, I�ll stop using the dates as the title and go back to using song names or whatnot. Again, I�m very sorry about my absence.. but believe me when I say that I�m back and I�ll be back to updating at least every day. ;D Thanks for remembering my diary, hah.]

Saterday
7.5.03
12:38 AM

The 4th of July sucked.

11:16 AM

It�s true, I�ve got demons inside me and sometimes they need to speak. My dark places, make me feel ugly. My lips are gloss but my heart is weak � I�m diseased. If you see me on TV, please forgive me for not being pretty or sexy � but God never blessed me � here�s what you�ll find next time you undress me.

Scars, Wounds, Bruises.

Watch me bleed, I�m your beauty. Watch me bleed, beauty fiend.

12:33 PM

You know, one thing I don�t like talking about most of the time is my weight because everyone can TELL that I�m thin, but I just don�t like it when people are like �Jeff, god you need to loose weight!� and even if that�s your sarcasm.. it�s not funny. Do people honestly think I don�t realize I�m under-weight? Do people actually think that I enjoy being this thin? I mean, fuck off. I don�t need people telling me repeatedly that I�m thin. I ALREADY KNOW. I just checked how much I weight and I�m 145.5 lbs, which is great cause I�ve gainined 5 lbs from last week and I�m maintaining it. I need to gain about 20 more lbs [of both muscle and fat] it�s harder than you think to gain weight. I�m wearing my �punk� pants which I never really fit in [I was so thin] but now I�ve noticed I�ve kinda filled them out. ;D I just need a few more lbs in the thighs and calves [most ideal: fat in thighs cause right now its all muscle, and the calves with more muscle] and I�d be looking great. At least my confidence is a BIT higher than below �10 since my goddamned face wont clear up still. They wont go away. My forehead has cleared up but there�s still some right at the fucking sides of my mouth. It�s pissing the FUCK outta me. They better be gone before school starts� >_<

4:36 PM

A guy randomly came up to me while I was eating an ice cream bar and stared at me and after a pause he said to me, �Dude, out of everything that I�ve seen today� THAT looks the best.� And after I agreed, he kept on walking. My dad asked if I knew him and I didn�t. Heh, that was cool though, he was like 18, who knows if he goes to school here.. ?