About three days ago I thought I would take a chance and email Otep [her link is at the left] and try to get some advice from her on some stuff. I had a feeling I probably wouldn't get a responce back but hey, I thought it was worth a shot. This is what I typed out to her in an email:

Um.. I don't know why I'm really emailing you.. just I need some advice and I can't really get this kind of advice from my family since it concerns them in a way. Well, first of all, I'm a homosexual guy living up in Grass Valley and I'm emailing you because I don't know what to do. Should I tell my family about my sexuality? I don't want them to know but it would be so much more easier if they knew since they keep trying to hook me up with pretty girls from time-to-time. I've told my friends and they're all perfectly fine with it but .. I don't know. I just dont know what to do. Plus, I'm having a very difficult time trying to find other gay guys around my school. It's really hard to go out there and try to find them without having to ask and then possibly insulting a straight guy. I'm not old enough to go to gay clubs yet [I'm 16] so I'm kinda fucked in this situation. Do you have any advice? I know you probably won't respond but it was worth a shot. Besides, I love your CD's [the EP and LP] they're amazing. I can't wait for you to come out with your new album and tour. Make sure you stop by somewhere near Grass Valley so I can see you perform!! Keep up the awesome work!

--A fellow Shadow Soldier

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So then today about 30 minutes ago I got up from a nap I decided I wanted to take and I go online to check my email.. I saw that I had one new email. I had originally thought it was gonna be one of those Daily Horoscope things but as the page was loading I saw that the From line said: otep. I was shocked. So I opened it up and this is what she typed to me in responce:

i'm not sure ... i think at 16 your focus should be feeding your soul and mind ... plenty of time for love and experience once u are a bit older ... thats my 2 cents anyway.

in struggle,

otep

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And you know, I've had the same responce but in different wordings and such but coming from her.. I don't know why it makes a difference but it does.

From now on I'm not going to fret about my future relationships and what not. I just gotta deal with what comes and make the best out of it. When I'm old enough I'll start thinking about things and probably meet some people but before then I shouldn't be fretting about minimal things such as this. If I meet a guy before then, that's great. But I'm not going to spend my time looking for one and freaking out when I end up failing.. miserably.

I'm very glad that Otep took the time out to read and respond to my email though. I'm not freaking out that I got her email -- she's just another person. Only difference is is she's in a band that I admire. But I feel very glad that I got a responce when I didn't expect one.

How come the things you don't want to hear are always right?..

I'm thinking about enhancing my diary a little bit more. I need to find a way to add some things to it. I would like to add some photos of Otep or some drawings that she's done on the page.. I'll have to figure out how to do so sometime soon. [Okay, I just added 2 nice drawings from Otep to the right side.. likeie? I do!!]

I just got back from dinner with some of my rents' friends. I don't think I've ever been at one place but feel so un-needed.

While I was at the table eating.. my fathers friend Ed was talking about a friend of his that is currently 44 years old and doesn't have any social security number, hasn't payed any taxes, mooches off everyone and doens't even have a job. Doesn't that make you so angry? That there are people out there wasting their lives fucking around doing nothing when they could be so much more? It's really sad that he's that old and all that shit.. yeah that's embarassing aswell..

You know what I hate? Brawtwerst or however the fuck you spell that shit. I hate it. It's disgusting..

Yeah so I'm talking to BJ at the moment. He has his webcam on and he's shirtless... ;D He's gotten so much more buffer too. It's scary, this childs only like 15 and he's that buff. He's like the most muscular guy for his age in the state. O_o Outrageous..

His kind of motivation is really admirable and inspirational. I told him that and he smiled. I wish I had that kind of motivation to do something like that. He offered to go to the gym with me.. AHAHA, sadly I wouldn't last 5 minutes in his routine.

I got some money today for cleaning my room and the bathrooms. I now have 29 dollars I believe. I only need about 11 more dollars and I can get a webcam! Yay for that.

Oh. My. God. I just exceeded the amount of songs I'm supposed to listen to on Launch. 400 per month or something.. now I can't skip songs!! AH!!! It's playing Paul Simon!! AHH!!! MAKE IT STOP!! OH GOD, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!....

Launch used to be cool, now you have to pay to have more songs. What the fuck is up with that? That never happened before when I first signed up for it!! I'm so disappointed in launch.. it's sad!! >_< and ENRAGING!!..

... make the bad music go away !! ...

Finally, it's playing Mandalay. ::relaxes::

Well.. In about 30 minutes I'm going to go for my walk.. I should go get dressed and everything. Bye ya'll, I'll update later unless I'm kidnapped, raped, ran over or killed. :)

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