Collapsed lungs continue to breathe in the foul stench of agony. I can feel the anger changing me.. or is it sadness? Let alone the pains been numbing me from reality. I have to give it a better shot. Must find that special place where I can escape.. if only my imagination wasn't riddleded with the very stupidity that keeps blinding me from the path.

I drew a picture today. It was of a loathesome lonesome toy-ball left and forgotten in the darkest corner. Surrounding it are the cracks of remission. Forgotten innocence. A simplicity long since left behind.

Hard to imagine that in the millions of people in the world today -- thousands still feel alone. We are all alone in this world. Think about it. We are our own people. We are our own accomplishment and we are our own destruction. Our decisions follow upon a set path -- no one can see that path. Who knows if its "Gods" set path or our own free will, regardless we cannot tell the difference between the two. Who can say we have free will when we don't know for a fact. What if our "free will" was already planned out from something else? You can never be too sure.

We are all born alone in this world. And we all die alone in this world. It's the time in-between when you can feel some sort of relief.. the acknowledgement of your down-fall.

Looks like I've been a friend to nobody. I've used everyone I've ever known for my own gratification.. to avoid my own phobia. I can not honestly say I'm feeling loved at this moment -- that would be a lie. If everyone loved me something would be different. Things wouldn't be like this. Everyones on their own in the world -- and I'm stuck here trapped in this embassy of reclusion.

Sure, I talk to people.. and peole talk to me. But that doesn't mean I'm not alone. I don't talk to anyone on the phone anymore. I don't get mail from friends. I don't see my friends.. sure I try to mention things to do but most of them sluff it off as if I were yesterdays Today Magazine. Doesn't really seem to matter anymore.
NICE TO KNOW I'M NOT GOING INSANE.

Feels like I've been stuck in a tub full of freezing cold water all my life. Numb from the outside world but totally secure within myself amist the fact that I've been built upon a feeble thought: I am an individual. Untimely slippage.

My family doesn't need me.
My Friends don't need me.

..what else is there left to love?

Images in the mirror are closer than they appear.

..think about that.

=->