I feel really meh-ish lately. I've just not been getting a lot of sleep.. cause I've been thinking, these thoughts .. I don't know how to put them into words but they just won't seem to leave me.

I've been seeing Chris around a lot lately. It kind of makes me feel really stupid cause he never really says bye when he's done talking with you.

"And so I've realized that for the past 20 years I've been a prisoner of my own fear.."

I've been trying to put myself in others positions when I see them. Like, on the highway.. putting myself in the other persons mind.. what they're seeing .. and then it hits me .. there are fucking shit loads of people everywhere.. and what makes me think that I can really make a difference? That I can really stand out? That I won't just have a shitty job and drive to work everyday just like all the other people do.. I feel this sense of humbility yet I feel so small. So un-addressed. So confused.

And I don't even care what's going on with my friends. I find myself talking to them on the phone but mostly listening. I don't have anything to say really. Not anymore. I've been drained.

But on the other hand, I found out that Jake is doing a movie with Heath Ledger called, "Brokeback Mountain" (due out in 2005) where he plays Heath Ledgers cowboy lover.

So I'm seeing it ASAP and I'm bringing my binoculars to make sure I see all the Jake/Heath goodness. I hope this movie does well.. I'm pretty sure it will be cause Jake is pretty smart with scripts. He knows what's good and what's not. At least I think so.. (Bubble Boy?)..

But that's about it.