amanda came over before we went into victorian jesusmas. we lied around .. talked a bit .. i showed her the creek in the back. one of these days we want to explore the area .. but we're lazy. so that may not happen.

when we went into town, we met liberty. (who, by the way, amanda loves, she thinks she's awesome) and then we went to mekka and i saw shaina (my love!) and i got a soy chai. forrest was there too. i don't really find the need to .. like him anymore. i was desperate for someone to like me. but now i don't care. i have myself. he did ask if my hair was always like this (i waxed it out to the max), and for some reason that made me feel all high and mighty.

i never got to get any food. amandas parents got mad. i think they hate me. amanda and i went on the bus back to the car and on the bus, i think amanda felt like crying. i wanted to kiss her rihgt then.. but then some old man wanted us to dance. so .. no.

we walked ahead of my rents to the car and hid. we hugged for a bit .. and then we kissed. and it was as simple as that. i wasn't nervous. it didn't really change a thing, but now i know .. it's not going to stand in the way of being that 'first kiss' anymore. we walked back to wait for her rents .. and while standing there, i could look through the remaining leaves on the tree below the street light and i felt so surrounded with earth. i wanted to get a picture of us there. and one of these days, we will.

my dad went to best buy and bought me the 30 Seconds To Mars CD. finally! .. i have their demo and it was amazing and i finally got around to getting it. i love the CD. it's simply amazing. to the max.

(oh and just to clear things up .. yes, i have a girlfriend (i dont know if i mentioned that before) and she knows i like guys .. its a weird relationship. but out of the very few females that i'm attracted to, she's one of them.)

sorry for the regular ol' update. i just had to get some stuff off my chest.

i love getting gifts for my friends. but:
- i hate spending MY money on them
- i hate getting them something when i might not get something back
- i'm a greedy whore
- i want back more than what i give

so i'm going to hell. oh well.
xxxx