its difficult thinking of the past year and all the things i wish i could've held back. or worse, what i should've never concealed in the first place. and to those reasons i find myself constantly regretting decisions progressively digging myself into this ditch. sometimes i'll build my way above to finally reach sunlight and as soon as high noon reaches it's rays above me, something always seems to happen and the ladder below me collapses. gray sunshine ensues until someone calls from above offering a rope and blades.

i use couldshine for barriers.

i feel like i'm embarking on something new. something unstable and weak. the new year is approaching and i'm vastly aware the oncoming change. whether i'll embrace it or resent it, i'm still unsure.