[.:remember the future:.]
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spoonberry farms.
April 17, 2019 //_ 2:49 PM

we're taking our little choonchillo (our cat Spooky) to the vet today. it'll be her third and last time we think. the last time we were there they told us her kidneys were RIGHT on the edge of failing.. and everything else seemed alright. a while ago she had been starting to noticeably lose some weight which prompted us taking her in the first place-- but we fixed that problem by giving her a vitamin liquid and an another type of medicine that helps with her breathing problems / arthritis in her hips.

so basically this time back is to see if she's keeping the weight (which shes definitely gained back at least 1or2 pounds) and if everything else in her system is still the same. the last time we were there, the vet basically told us "look, your lovely cat is 16 years old, she's pretty elderly and not the best candidate for surgery but from here out, if things don't start looking well/stabilizing- you should start thinking about what plans you want to take.." which scared me. but i've noticed when faced with traumatizing situations, I have a unique way of zoning out and not fully registering the emotion/tucking it away. so needless to say, I wasn't very talkative to my fiance the way home.

even tho this cat hasn't been in my life her whole time, she's been there the WHOLE time I've been with Jordan. from our first dates, our first sleep-overs, our first move in together, our first house.. and even the fire/losing all of our stuff. she lost all her comfort too. but yet, here she is. seemingly as resilient as ever- granted older and a bit slower- but such a wonderfully sweet and loving chit-cho.

this last weekend, we were out for brunch in Chico and we started on the subject of getting a new kitten- and while this idea sounded wonderful and I think the presence of another cat would be beneficial for exposing Spooky to a new situation (I think new environments/situations help stimulate animals to live longer/cope) and also us for when she passes.. and while I was all for the idea, I immediately got extremely angry at them for wanting to do it THAT DAY. like, yes- let's get a kitten but at least let me talk to Spookers first!

anyway. I love that cat. and I feel like she definitely could make it another couple of years- hell, maybe even make it for when we rebuild our new home.
but I also know she could pass potentially very soon.
and it scares me.

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