yesterday you arrived in a cedar box.
i hid my tears. (why do i always do this?)
so small. so contained. so ..

i have flashbacks of images of when you left us. that whole day.. a ticking clock.. a countdown.

and i know you were sleepy, and i know you were tired.. and all i wanted was to hold you and snudgle.. but i let you lie. i let you have your normal morning. i let you believe it was an ordinary day.

and the whole time- i knew.
this countdown.
this.. framed moment in time.. it was coming- whether we favoured it or not.

and i couldn't bring myself to disrupt you.
i couldn't bring myself to the realization that THIS IS IT.
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

and why do i keep having thoughts that i could've done more, been there more, been more sweeter, cherished more moments, kissed your head more..

you came into my life as an accessory to a man i love, and became the center OF our love..

i miss you, spooky. my little choon-juun.. and even tho you weren't "mine" to begin with, i'm so fucking glad i was there, to see you thru the ending.